How societal pressures of what is beautiful, effects the confidence and security in young black women.
In a continuation from my thoughts on conventional beauty standards, in this blog post, I’d like to talk about how those conventional beauty standards have personally affected me and other black women like myself.
When I was in 5th grade, “The diary of a wimpy kid” by Jeff Kinney was extremely popular - almost everyone on the playground had a copy. In the story, a piece of moldy cheese is left on the playground of the fictional school. Whoever touched the piece of cheese had the “cheese touch” and was automatically alienated by the rest of the kids on the playground. At the time, I thought this was the funniest thing. That is until something similar happened to me. One day at recess, these two white boys tugged on one of my braids, then his friend yelled “eww.” That’s when the “Pera touch” started. At first, I thought it was funny and would chase after them. As the joke continued, it started to get less and less funny as it carried into the classroom after recess. I heard whispers from kids near me that if anyone touched me, they would get a disease. I remember running to the bathroom crying. I didn’t understand why this happening to me. That night I told my parents what happened, and the following day, I remember my dad was beyond mad as he called the teacher. The two boys were forced to apologize to me that same day. Looking back on it now, I know I was singled out because of the color of my skin.
I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my blackness. I was raised to take pride in it, but as soon as I walked out my front door, I was taught to be ashamed of it. This is a phenomenon that is all too familiar with other black women. And as I got older and started to come into who I am as a person, I have stopped letting the subtle racism slide past me.
In my dating life I gravitate towards white men -- I don’t know why, you just like what you like. But as a consequence of being interested in men outside my race, I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard “I’ve never been with a black girl before,” “You’re such a beautiful black woman”, or “You’re so exotic.” While many people outside my race might not find any problem with theses statements, the truth of the matter is that they are toxic to a black woman’s self-esteem. The idea of being no more than just a fetish is all to real when it comes to dating outside your race, and I often feel as though sometimes all men see is my color and not me. It hurts.
There are so many negative stereotypes in placed on black women that I don’t even know where to start. How about the depiction of black women in the media? Or the toxic rhetoric of the stereotypical angry black woman? I am sure you can think of plenty more – you’ve no doubt heard them yourself. In an article “Stereotypes of Black American Women Related to Sexuality and Motherhood,” the author, Lisa Rosenthal, said that stereotypes lead to inaccurate overgeneralizations to all members of a group and to ignoring other important information about the individual character. I’ve never heard a wiser statement. Black women succumb to preconceived notions that we are loud, aggressive, ratchet, golddiggers, or simply uneducated. All this ugliness effects the black woman’s self-esteem, especially when dating. I’m either written off before I even say a word, or my partners are shocked and claim I’m “different” from other black girls. However, young black women are starting to wake up and realize our worth. In 2013, CaShawn Thompson popularized the #BlackGirlMagic movement. In doing so, she created a movement to celebrate the beauty and resilience of what a black woman goes through. One-step-at-a-time ladies, black excellence is on the rise and our voices will be heard.