Understanding the perplexing reasons behind many single black females.
Everywhere I turn it seems as though everyone is in a relationship; you know those people who have a new boyfriend every 3 months? Yea, I’m not that person. I never have a shortage of men that want to sleep with me, but when it comes to that awkward conversation of moving it to the next level, I seem to always be let down. I’ve come to the conclusion the guys I talk to don’t want to date me because I’m black and fat, but they will want to sleep with me. I often just feel used. I know what you’re thinking - this is a big claim. But when I look at my fellow black sisters around campus all but a small sample are single.
Why is this? Its frustrating because if my race is going to be in the way of me finding love, that’s really going to suck. So, I decided let’s look to the internet and find out if I’m crazy or not, turns out I’m not! ABC News put out an article titled “Single, Black, Female—and Plenty of Company” by Linsey Davis and Hana Karar. The article is highlighted around Nicole Marchand, a prosecuting attorney in Atlanta, and soon to be running for state court judge at the time the article was published. Marchand is just one example of many successful beautiful black women that are single, she’s 31 wants to marry someday but there’s no available man in sight. As it turns out, forty-two percent of U.S black women have never been married -- double the number of white women who’ve never tied the knot. There are a lot of factors to this discrepancy beyond just looks and overall attraction. 1.8 million black women out number black men, 17% of black men are incarcerated, and 21% are unemployed. These numbers apply greatly especially to black women that are seeking a male partner that is black. More and more black women are being forced to look outside their race to find love, but I know firsthand what it’s like trying to date outside your race.
It’s hard. I recently stopped talking to a guy that I’ve known since my freshman year. His name was Tanner and he was a cute ginger I was crazy about, we met on tinder (where I met most of the guys I talk to). We hit it off and hung out a lot that semester and believe me when I say that I really wanted to be with this kid. Summer came and he promised to visit me but never did. When it was my birthday, he promised he’d drive down to visit me, but instead, he unadded me on snapchat, and it hurt a lot. I was confused and hurt. The following semester we had a class together we would dodge each other’s eyes. When the class ended, he finally reached out, turns out he was talking to a white girl while we were talking and is currently dating her even though he swore up and down he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I guess he was ready, just not with me. So, it’s a lose-lose situation, low quantity of black men and nonblack men not taking the idea of dating a black woman seriously. I hope that in the future my fellow sisters don’t have to deal with this pain and society will change.